I thought these sunken eyes and yellowed fingers
would still revitalize the way they did when I was younger.
I thought I'd be a free and forward thinker.
I thought my battle cries would carry farther
But I learned that apathy leads to lethargy. To a silence I can't keep.
Into a bottle, then into bed and then back to sleep.
Into a dream where I am buried while i watch the whole scene.
An apnoeic gasp fills up my lungs and I wake up screaming,
"I'm still alive! I swear to you I'm still alive!
and if you let me out right now I'll be a monument to life.
It must look like I've given up the fight
but if you just let me breathe
I'll work the wreckage and I swear I'll build a masterpiece.
I'm still alive! I'm still alive!" and when I opened up my eyes
and I could see that it was just the veil of sleep I said,
"I'll make it right today while there's nobody burying me."
Track Name: Then Ride Into The Apocalypse
The air is turning cold again and I've been sitting sleepless writing songs to try and reignite that fire that burned inside us,
cause when I close my eyelids I'm afraid I'll wake up as an old man justifying a forgettable legacy of worn out stories of "could haves" and "almosts" and places that I've never been.
I guess I'm just trying to come to terms with the brevity.
I guess it's taking longer than I thought.
I've seen what happens when our brazen hearts grow tired.
Valves and ventricles get tarred up and out of rhythm.
We're not as strong as we let on
but we can work these muscles back to life
and find our balance, and keep the atrophy in check.
I'm sitting some where in the rise and fall of all of this,
trying to remind myself that the hopeless feeling that will come with the winter solstice can only take a hold of me if I let it.
Track Name: Promises In Pen
It's a worthless search for the listless heart's panacea
when we're walking around in circles, treading the same streets.
If there's something in the distance, I sure can't see it.
I've been watching my feet drag into stubs on the concrete.
The sky got so sick of being quiet that it started calling my name.
And I can't sleep now, even though I want to.
There's life outside of these windows that I've shut off from the light like I'm boarding them up for a storm
but it's coming either way.
I could take the tempestuous air into my lungs
and let out through stereo.
I could breathe it in all day, in bed, if I want to.
But I know it gets stale and thin and when the wind dies down
I've got nothing left to hold on to.
Eyes affixed to the ether in the night sky.
Stars and satellites are my only conversation piece.
I'm making promises in pen, and sweating bullets through this pale skin waiting for dry ink to lie to me.
Track Name: Show Me The Way To Go Home
It's so predictable that the fear is going to find me
when I'm sweating out the courage from last night.
It only gets pathetic when I try and circumvent it.
I refuse to pay my penance .
I'm shrouded in the same dim light that's bringing me down.
I spend my days untying anchors from my feet.
My lungs are drowning in this shallow water.
My body is begging me for sleep.
Sometimes the night speaks through me and I can't
get a word in edgewise 'til my voice comes back at sunrise
singing "Show Me the Way to Go Home"
I'm tired of losing my intentions in the background
with a memory so pixelated, vibrant conversations
turn to gray when I'm alone.
Show me the way to go home.
Show me the way to go home.
I'm tired of flirting with collapse and burning bridges with these blackouts.
I built these chains on my own.
This self designed, relentless stranglehold.
Show me the way to go home.
My Mind is still open, but my memory is broken.
I'm living the old days and I can't remember the new ones.
It's one way of coping, but I feel like I'm choking
on my fear of the unknown.
Show me the way to go home.
Track Name: Kitchen Knife
She says it's like poison when the chemicals run out
as she's hiding emotions in the corners of her mouth.
She told me,
"All my friends only call when I'm holding.
This suffocation has become routine.
I say that I love him so he'll give me what I need.
And it fuses with my blood and it makes me feel free
just for a moment
'til I come down and see myself in a mirror
how the age is getting clearer,
how the lines in my face are getting deeper
and the weight's falling off of this emaciated shadow
of the person that I was.
And I've so often thought of cutting myself free through his throat, but the kitchen knife sits idle.
Nothing's being cut around here but the powder.
Instead I close my eyes and I hold my breath.
I feel the blood pound through my neck.
I swear if he touches me again.....
I don't know...
Cause it feels just like poison when the chemicals run out,
and I don't know if I'll make it through this year all by myself.
All my friends only call when I'm holding."
Track Name: Terrapin Lair
Thanks to the Turtle Den for making this album possible.
Track Name: Star Crossed Strangers
Like Yossarian, I fall in love with every beautiful girl I see.
It's not objectification. More romanticization that dwells through the night, and ebbs and flows with the morning.
Building short stories based on nothing.
If ignorance is bliss, then happiness is never knowing.
Cultivate and don't ask questions.
Let it boil until you find someone different.
A collection of silence
standing as rivals to making sound.
Never daring to dash dreams on reality.
Keep quiet, avert your gaze and keep your peace.
Track Name: It's Just You And Me, Hemingway!
Some days I want adventure some days graveyard silence.
These tools of invention are worthless in my eyes.
The world says I have to atone, but not for their lies I won't.
Bouts of boredom won't dictate mindsets anymore.
You can keep your guns, but check your bullshit a the door.
I won't stay long.
I'll follow the sun so it sets on me eternal,
and I'll drink fire 'till it sinks me down into the inferno.
Ghosts scatter from the terrace because of the plane crash
then materialize again in seconds as victims having the last laugh.
Head for the horizon with thoughts on glory, pubs full of stories
and we're staying up until pale mornings and chasing life down.
Track Name: Moonshine Aviation
The songs that played, I known they were never written
but that didn't stop us.
We rode down from the sky, smiles wide and wind pushing the tears from our eyes.
Moments lasted for hours, and we plunged down to the depths
lungs almost exploding at the surface, and we screamed to start over again.
Chemical induced laughter met heartfelt joy
and I knew from that moment, we were living life.
Twisted streets somehow familiar, and faces we know to find.
Buying substance at bulk and hearts full of the desire to fly.
We're dropping like bombs from heaven
and loving what we create.
This is all just a message from beyond the nowhere state.
Track Name: Three Word Graveyard
You won't believe me 'till you see it,
that part of me has been defeated.
It's catacomb adorned with feelings that I wouldn't give.
I'm feeling powerless.
I'll destroy what your hopes are.
You're not responsible for this.
I say goodbye before I mean it
but in the meanwhile I'll regret it.
Laying to rest what I never gave chance to live.
I'm laying flowers in the field where all the ghosts are.
My premature condolences.
I'll leave you in the wake.
Track Name: All This, This Is Boring
Looks like we're going to make it through another winter
but the chill is still in my bones.
Nothing's keeping me in these state lines except for the great lakes and making my own road out.
These days come ripping by and I talk about living
but I know I'll be smashed again by sundown.
These couch sprawled days, just to recover from the way we treat ourselves.
It's so hard to find direction from this swimming head perspective.
My mind again sinks into these bottles that I'm carrying home.
It's hard to ask to be respected when our theories go untested.
What the hell are we trying to prove?
When the cancer finally catches up
I hope I can say I saw more of the world than I did of my TV.
When my body's finally had enough, I hope can say that
I fucking lived it.
Today is just what we make it. Today we're gonna get it back.
Hope has sunk to the bottom of the bottles we raise.
Here's to hoping things are only going to get better.
Track Name: Damn It, Valentine!
When will won't culminate into direction, I slide into the arms of all the vices I fall back on.
Stumble and sway the blurred line between delusion and clarity.
I'm working hard at making an incision, a cut and fold back view of the way I've been living
cause it all goes by so easily unremarked and I'm no better off.
Hey, even the best lives can become wearisome.
Life doesn't unfold itself the way you thought it would when you were young.
Indifference takes hold and follows with a shadow's tenacity.
It found it's way into my blood and it's running deep.
Don't dwell on disdain these days apathy plays big
and holds far too much sway.
Feeling the lifestyle in body, wallet, and bones.
Constantly question the way life works and realize no one knows.