She says it's like poison when the chemicals run out
as she's hiding emotions in the corners of her mouth.
She told me,
"All my friends only call when I'm holding.
This suffocation has become routine.
I say that I love him so he'll give me what I need.
And it fuses with my blood and it makes me feel free
just for a moment
'til I come down and see myself in a mirror
how the age is getting clearer,
how the lines in my face are getting deeper
and the weight's falling off of this emaciated shadow
of the person that I was.
And I've so often thought of cutting myself free through his throat, but the kitchen knife sits idle.
Nothing's being cut around here but the powder.
Instead I close my eyes and I hold my breath.
I feel the blood pound through my neck.
I swear if he touches me again.....
I don't know...
Cause it feels just like poison when the chemicals run out,
and I don't know if I'll make it through this year all by myself.
All my friends only call when I'm holding."
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